COVIDiaries: The 6 feet of separation

Firstly, I really hope everyone has coped okay during these turbulent times. Living in the midst of a pandemic and a lockdown is something that no one could have predicted. Socially and economically there have been a few cause for concerns. Many people have lost or feel terrified about the future of their jobs, some separated from and worried about loved ones, others craving freedom because home felt like their prison or those who are simply stuck indoors with little to no outdoor space. It hasn’t been easy for everyone to adjust to the “new normal”, which is why communicating, connecting, finding new hobbies and really making the most out of life’s simple pleasures is vital. We all need to muster the energy and enthusiasm to get through each day, and if we can refocus some of that energy on our own wellbeing and look out for others; then that’s always a great starting point to a more positive outlook.

Prior to the outbreak, I had been speaking to a few people across Hinge, Bumble, OKCupid and Coffee meets Bagel just to curb my boredom. I went on a couple dates here and there, it was great fun but overall the vibe wasn’t quite right so things died out fairly quickly. There was one guy in particular that I matched with on Hinge. I specifically remember when I went through his profile, something about him just didn’t sit right with me. I mean, it’s likely I was being judgemental (we’re all human at the end of the day!) but he had this very “laddish” look about him. Bar that, he did send quite a funny ice breaker; and funny is always good in my eyes. But don’t get it twisted, funny does not win me over.

As we started talking, I probably put in about 55% effort. That’s my general rule of thumb, you need to see what the other person is about without going all in, and I think you can get a good enough gauge if you fire the right questions and carefully look at their responses. After a few days of talking, I sussed that he was quite a smooth talker, confident with a tendency to step on the line of cocky, witty, funny, fairly charming and quite direct. I’ve dealt with many guys alike in the past, some slightly worse than others and I’ve always ended up extremely unimpressed. My normal reaction would have been to not bother but I was quite intrigued with him mainly because I saw a little bit of my personality come through in his responses. Also the fact that I knew within myself that I needed to be more open minded! As with most guys I meet online, my guard is held extremely high. Most things that are said, I take with a pinch of salt. With this guy, my guard was up for a while… it still is to be honest but it has dropped a significant amount over time.

And almost 9 weeks later (to my suprise) we’re still talking, regularly. We have these weekly video calls which I find very pleasant and entertaining. I’d explain what happens during these calls but I’ll save the details for another post. I guess it’s nice to get dressed up and pretend I’m going out on a date (literally just chilling on my bed), though I must say my efforts of late have been on the decline! Clearly I’m getting far too comfortable! 😬

The most frustrating part is that we haven’t actually met! Timing has been unfortunate but nevertheless I’ve genuinely enjoyed getting to know him thus far. I’ve appreciated the reciprocation in terms of time and effort put in to build a connection. You’d think in lockdown, people would get tiresome of having to entertain a conversation knowing that it wouldn’t lead an actual date… at least not for a while, consequently throwing in the towel after a couple of weeks or so. I wouldn’t be shocked if people said they were video dating purely as a time filler.

With video calls it still feels like there’s a barrier between us. Even though we talk frequently, without the physical form, we’re only getting a small part of what we’re about. It’s a fact that 70% of our communication is done via body language. So I guess my concern now is not so much him being a “lad” but more so us meeting properly and having an actual date! I’m not a pessimist but I can’t help but wonder “what if…”

We finally meet and there’s zero chemistry!?
We don’t find each other attractive face to face!?
We find each other unbearable?!
He’s not really that talkative in person and it gets awkward?!
He’s not really that funny and it gets awkward?!


I am looking forward to meeting him (finally), we joked that it would take us about 10 dates until we’d eventually see each other and currently it appears we’re on track! However it goes, I’ll be sure to enjoy the date, have fun and a good laugh. Fingers crossed it’s not another kittenfish or brick wall situation! Who knows… but make sure you stay tuned for the next chapter of COVIDiaries! 😀

COVIDeo dating so far…

While we’re all practising social distancing, we’re certainly not disconnected. From what I’ve seen, read, heard and experienced so far, it’s quite obvious that people are feeling quite lonely, a little stir-crazy and rather lecherous (I think that’s an alternative for “horny” (?)<— sorry, I dislike that word).

Until further notice we’re all living under house arrest, we’re now finding ourselves in a situation that has prompted getting glam for the cam, FaceTime happy hours, virtual game nights, synced cooking and synced Netflix viewings. With that said, I think dating in isolation during a pandemic actually has some positives! When it all started kicking off, I was receiving less sleazy messages from guys that I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole, and more messages with collective concern and care (genuine or not… who knows!) But naturally because of what’s happening in the world right now, people are deeply connected and affected so we instantly have something in common to talk about. I’m finding that this topic (although I’m pretty much over it) has become an easy conversation starter, so you very quickly learn if someone is a pessimist or an optimist, what their hobbies are outside of the usual “Food, Travel, Skiing, Hiking, Exploring” 🙄 yawn! Even their political views to an extent.

Looking at the more humorous side of things; cheesy chat up lines will 99% of the time make me immediately swipe left (that is, after I’ve taken a screenshot and shared it with my friends!) People are evidently getting much more creative which I’ve found rather amusing. Yes, Coronavirus chat up lines have arrived in full force. Singletons, if you’re in need of inspiration, why don’t you try one of these for size…

“Are you Coronavirus? Because you are simply breathtaking!”
“If Coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”
“You are way out of my league but I have spare toilet roll if that helps?”
“Wanna make plans together and cancel them?”
“I have rubbers… and I don’t just mean gloves.”


Before the pandemic, I had never even thought about a virtual date before. Of course my preferred route would be to meet up in person but I figured I may as well give it a go… I’m pretty open minded and realistically, what choice do we have right now?

Prior to COVIDeo date #1, I had a few reservations/concerns… like, “how does this shit actually work?”, “this is going to be weird and awkward!”, “is dressing up necessary?”, “what should I wear?”. In the end, I decided to treat it like a normal date as if I were going out (basically an opportunity for me wear something cute! Yay!)

Thankfully the guy was proper cool, and, similar to me… as in he was a total motormouth which kept the conversation flowing nicely. Surprisingly I felt comfortable straight away, we had a good laugh and there was absolutely no awkwardness… apart from the fact that I was very aware he was drinking wine and there’s me with a 1L bottle of Lucozade in my hand! Haha! …What can I say, it was a long week at work and I had minimal sleep! Overall it was a really pleasant date that lasted about 3 hours.

I’ve only had 3 COVIDeo dates so far which is not exactly a huge sample size but the thing that has stood out for me was the stripping back of the social environment you’d normally get in a bar/restaurant. Being able to simply enjoy talking to one another, having things to share despite the fact that there’s no physical element is a really good sign!

Some of you may want to put dating on hold until we’re out of this phase, which is fair enough. But for those of you who are still keen to date, I’d highly recommend giving virtual dating a go. I totally understand that it’s frustrating getting to know someone, creating a bond but not being able to see them in physical form. Nonetheless I think this temporary way of dating provides a chance for people to take things slow, get to know each other on a deeper level and build a connection. Can I add that it also helps expedite the process of weeding out time wasters.

I suppose the big “unknown” from all of this is whether the connection built in the virtual world will translate in real life. But if you’re being your authentic self, then I don’t see why it wouldn’t? We still have a good few weeks of lockdown ahead of us, so my advice is to just enjoy it for what it is. Let’s hope some of this new openness, attention and follow-through will stay with us when we finally re-emerge out of our homes and back out into the world.

“I didn’t appreciate you dueting with him at karaoke!”

Insecurity and neediness quickly became a deal breaker for me after exiting one of my past relationships. I can’t and won’t tolerate that kind of behaviour. When I’m emotionally checked out of a relationship, that’s it. There’s no going back. I will close the door, lock it and throw away the key. I don’t offer friendship post-relationships, but I do try to part ways in the most amicable way possible. Though this hasn’t always panned out the way I would have hoped.  

In this post, I want to talk about the challenges I faced when dealing with a possessive, insecure and needy partner.

As a disclaimer, I will be honest and say that I have been that unbearable, anxious person once upon a time. It was not pleasant for either party, nor do I wish to ever be in that frame of mind again. I can only describe the behaviour as very toxic and unhealthy. With the relationship I’m about to discuss, I’ve seen it from both sides. Not only have I experienced going through it but I also know what sort of dubious thoughts can run wild inside the head once triggered…

Beginning

It all started at my old workplace. Normally I’m not a lady to mix business with pleasure but we managed to keep it very low key and maintained professionalism when working on projects together. I remember finding out that he’d liked me from one of my colleagues. Unfortunately, I felt quite the opposite. I didn’t find him attractive, he was very geeky, wasn’t very masculine, pale looking, his sense of style didn’t make sense to me… there was no way I could see myself going out on a date with him.

The company I had worked for at the time had some amazing perks including free gym membership at Virgin Active or GymBox. Obviously, I took full advantage but realised that a certain someone was doing the same, and had signed up at the same gym around the corner from the office! I also found him there at the same time as me (stalker lol) I’m not a rude person so when he came over to chat, I let the conversation flow. I mean, he was a nice guy but he was getting a bit too flirty for my liking… I was so uncomfortable! But I find out he had a girlfriend so firstly… thank God! Secondly what the hell was he doing? Eventually he confessed that he liked me but I palmed him off and told him to sort whatever issues out with his girlfriend.

Anyway, fast forwarding to a few weeks later, a bunch of us went out for lunch together. He told me he’d broken up with his girlfriend and was in the process of moving out of their place! Erm… okay? Then he said he really wanted to take me out on a date. Note: I had my stupid colleagues behind the scenes pressurising me to give him a chance! 🙄 So I agreed to hang out with him after work… and boy was I taken by surprise because I actually had a good time. I hope I don’t sound mean?! As time went by, I discovered a number of great qualities about him: very passionate, intelligence, well-mannered, family-orientated, sensitive (in a good way) and extremely ambitious. I suppose it’s those things that made me develop attraction for him.

But (there’s always a “but”) there were many other qualities I was about to find out….

Middle

Overall, we were together for just under a year, thankfully by the time I broke up with him, I had already left the company! Hurrah! Things were pretty solid for 6/7 months. We took a couple of little trips away, he’d met my family and a few friends (vice versa), he was coming along to family occasions, I practically split my time between my home and his. It was lovely!

Then came the possessive, insecure and controlling behaviour… 😒

Jealousy at work
Most people that know me, are aware that I have a very bubbly, friendly and sociable personality. I’m a little lairy, love cracking jokes and sarcasm. Male or female — how I speak/act towards you, doesn’t change. I’m very much a “what you see is what you get” type of person. The ratio of male to female in the office was something like 80:10. I was quite close with 4 or 5 guys in the office, so I’d always go over and have a chinwag whenever I had some downtime.

Clearly this didn’t sit well with someone and he’d either:
1) Get out of his seat, walk over, hang around, wait for me to finish so he could “talk” to me.
2) Walk past me, attempt to make eye contact and give me evils.
3) Send me passive aggressive texts once I was back at my desk.

LOL!

I had to put up with comments like: “Why were you laughing so much with XXX? What was so funny?” or “Why did you pop to the shops with him and not me?” or “You’ve spoken to him more today than you’ve spoken to your own boyfriend!” — Sometimes I overthink or over analyse things which causes me to question my own actions, even when I’m right! I do it more often when I care about a person. When I first received those kind of messages, it pissed me off massively but I also didn’t want him to feel threatened in anyway. I responded calmly and gave him a lot of reassurance… a lot of it! The thing is, I’m also not a pushover. I already experienced being with a controlling person beforehand so I knew better this time. It wasn’t long until I got fed up of his bullshit.

Invasion of privacy
I used to work at his place and borrow his laptop whenever I left mine at home. Not realising that this was clearly a mistake, I kept myself logged into my emails and the work instant messaging platform (Slack). I didn’t think anything of it at the time until one day at dinner he randomly came out with “I saw your conversation with XXX on Slack… why are you guys joking around like that?” and “You talk to XXX every fucking day, and it’s not even about work.” — I was shocked and almost choked on my orange juice!

This guy needs to adjust his tone! And why did he think it was okay to casually drop in the fact that he was going through my work conversations?
The discussion did not go down well, I lost my appetite and jumped in a cab home.

Ruining my Christmas
It was the Christmas work do and as much as I find these occasions kinda cringe, I had to get involved because there going to be karaoke… and I’m the karaoke queen bitches! 😂 Except that night I wasn’t so much. This guy ruined my mood, all because I had dueted with one of our male colleagues (a mutual friend as well!) Excuse me but if Aladdin’s “A whole new world” is lined up, I’m not missing out on that banger!

While everyone else was clapping and woo-ing, he was sitting there giving me the dirtiest look. At this point, I didn’t give a fuck. He decided to take me to a side and say: “I didn’t appreciate you dueting with him at karaoke!”. I laughed in his face which pissed him even more… so he went home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t even touch me
With all this bullshit, I was getting exhausted mentally. Who has time to justify their actions at every moment!? I resented him and was pretty much checked out of the relationship. Everything he said pissed me off. Looking at him pissed me off. I started taking my bits and pieces from his place and bringing them back to mine. I didn’t even want him touching me… every time he’d go in for a hug or kiss, I’d turn away and pull a disgusted face, sometimes even put my hand up to stop him for getting closer.

End

There was only one direction this relationship was heading in, and it was straight down the pan! He had to go. I was already preparing my breakup speech which consisted of about 5 sentences. But more importantly, I had a 2 week girly holiday to San Francisco, Miami & Barbados coming up… and I intended to thoroughly enjoy it!!

Based on how we were around each other, he knew it was coming. During the first few days of my holiday, he was constantly texting me and I was completely unbothered. I remember he had text me: “I miss you!” and I recall ignoring it for a whole day then eventually responding with: “We need to talk when I get back. I’d like to enjoy my holiday now so let’s just save it for when I return.”

Harsh but that’s what happens when people are pushed too far. I had a fabulous time and it was a much needed break! I got back in touch with him on the same day I landed. We agreed to meet the following day for a coffee and basically the rest is history. There was no anger towards him whatsoever. If anything, I tried to get him to explain why he carried himself the way he did… but I never got to the bottom of it. Then again it was never my problem to resolve in the first place. I was much happier after breaking free and that was the most important thing.

Final thoughts

While most people will have some level of insecurity/jealousy (there is such thing as a healthy dosage), problems arise when a person’s level of insecurity affects the majority of the relationship… to the point of killing it. An insecure person will always question “why” and feel they’re not good enough. Nothing you can say or do will make an excessively insecure person, secure. You end up wasting a lot of time, effort, and energy. And normally the person who ends up drained, will be you. Everything can be great about someone but insecurity will more than likely override it.

I would rather adjust to your absence than be frustrated by your presence.

Generally I’m a logical thinker but when it comes to matters of the heart, sometimes it’s hard to override feelings and emotions. Even when you have the answers right in front of you. I met my last partner on OKCupid which was a pleasant surprise because that dating app is seriously trash! You find all sorts of people on there, I’d say it’s marginally better than Plenty of Fish (which is bloody horrendous!) – but to be fair, I only utilised OKCupid as fodder for my old dating blog.

Anyway, I wanted to give an account on my journey with this guy. I’ve tried my best to condense the story down but it’s difficult with the amount of drama that took place! This is a story of love, lies and deception.

To start with and for context, here’s some fluff around my dating history: I’m someone who doesn’t really have a “type” as such. For me it’s about personality and compatibility. Of course there needs to be an element of attraction towards the person (online dating is about swiping left or right based on photos after all) but looks and appearance are certainly not my priority. In my eyes, you can go from hot to fucking not in an instant if your personality sucks ass.

I started dating from when I was 16 and looking back, what I realised with most of my long-term relationships was that I always ended up being the alpha female… which is not a bad thing, it just wasn’t ideal with the guys I was dating at the time! The alpha female thing is likely due to the nature of my personality and upbringing. I have a lot of strong women with very bold personalities in my family. On the flip side, I also recognised that being young and naive once upon a time meant tolerating a lot of bullshit and excusing people’s absurd behaviours/attitudes.

Skipping a few years forward… I grew up, matured and like to think I have my head screwed on properly now. I embraced being free and single, it enabled me to enjoy my own company, spend quality time with family and friends, learn about myself, people and relationships. When I hit my mid-20s, I started to consider dating again (basically after retirement from clubbing!) I got into a relationship with a guy from work, it lasted just under a year, then broke that off as he was far too needy! I then remained single for 2 years (excluding the FWB situation… but I’ll discuss that drama in a separate post) and it was probably the most enjoyable 2 years of my life. Then I decided to get back on the dating scene once again… and a few swipes later, I met him.

*cue dramatic music*

When we matched and first spoke, we instantly clicked. After our first date, it became hours upon hours of talking, we had so much in common! He was super nice, charming, funny, very responsive, had an amazing career, close to his family, intelligent, held the same values… literally he was ticking all the boxes one by one. I won’t lie, in my head I was thinking, “wow, this might be the one!” – and anyone that knows me, knows that I don’t even believe in that crap! Let me tell you now. Ticking all the boxes??? It’s a myth and a big, fat red flag!

A few incredible dates later, we found ourselves naturally slipping into a relationship. The more time we spent together, the more boxes he continued ticking… (a myth!!!) he was chivalrous, romantic, thoughtful, generous, protective, always picked me up and dropped me home. Honestly, the list went on! I was treated like royalty and I’d never experienced any guy like this one. You know when you hear these stories about people meeting someone online and the next thing you know, they’re all settled down, married with kids? That is some serious luck right there… but the way our relationship was going, I really thought I may have been one of those lucky people. On top of that, I don’t even like the idea of marriage or kids, but with him, it felt so different. We were in tune with each other on every level, I could only describe what we had as a soulmate kind of connection. Or what felt like it at the time!

So at this point, dating apps were obviously a thing of the past, love was in the air, we were happy, the future was becoming a topic of discussion, everything was fantastic!

Until they weren’t.

Almost 4 months in, my gut instinct suddenly started to kick in out of nowhere. Something felt odd. The thing about my intuition is that I can never tell if it’s actually intuition or I’m confusing it with paranoia (occasionally happens when my brain decides to overthink/over analyse). It was around 1:00am on a Saturday, I really struggled to sleep… I was up thinking about how vague he had been with some of his responses in our conversations and how he had no presence at all on social media. Before you say anything, yes – most people would say that’s a red flag (not having any social media) but I personally know people who aren’t fond of it so I kind of get it if there’s a preference to live your life in private. However, this feeling was not going away, so I had to do some research…

Not long later, there it was. Looking right at me. A photo of him, a woman (his ex, I presumed) and a child. I also found out a few other things he failed to mention.

After this fucking bombshell, I had to give myself a couple of hours to absorb the information and figure out how I was going to approach it. Ugh, the audacity!! Not only did I tell him from the first date that men with children was one of my deal breakers, but I also cannot stand dishonesty. Nonetheless, remaining calm and collected was the only way to be at this moment.

Around 6:00am, we spoke over the phone. I called him out. He chose to deny having a child at first (wow), then admitted it, then had the cheek to try and get me off the phone. But I gladly did because I was fucking knackered and couldn’t be asked to hear any more of his shit! To think he had referred to his son as his “nephew” before I found out. How wrong is that?!

A couple of days later with no contact, he wanted to talk face to face and lay all his cards out on the table. I gave him the opportunity to say his piece. He confessed to many things including his child, his living situation, the situation with his ex, some stuff about his family, blocking me on social media to prevent me from finding out!!! He then went on to explain why he lied and pleaded for forgiveness. I asked him whether there was anything else to reveal, he said no. Then I had done the most unexpected, out of character move – I gave him another chance. Yes! I know.

I admit, my “weakness” is that I have a lot of empathy for people which means I’m extremely forgiving and will always give a person the benefit of the doubt.

Now, with my trust at 0% and paranoia up at 100%, it was only ever gonna go in one direction right? Agreed. So what in the hell was I thinking giving him another shot? Heart over head… it happens, what else can I say? As time went by, we bickered a lot, I questioned him about his honesty, and every so often I’d ask if he had anything else to tell me. He swore on mine and his child’s life that that there wasn’t anything left to tell. He promised he’d never lie again. Then guess what? I found out he was lying…again. This time about something as stupid, small and unnecessary as smoking. The craziest thing is that he repeated the same behaviour! Denied it, then admitted to it. Why? Why not just admit it? I never understood the smaller lies, it was completely mind boggling to me.

So to summarise his behaviour so far: he lied straight my face, he denied the truth, he broke his promises and happily said anything (i.e. swear on mine and his child’s life) to ensure he was in the clear.

Now is the part when you’ll cuss me down or express some form of disappointment because I gave him a 3rd and final chance 🤦🏻‍♀️ (final chance, believe me, it really was!)

As we continued our relationship, I noticed some changes in him. He was less vague, he seemed a lot more comfortable, he was very open with everything and I could see he was working hard to earn my trust back. After so much tension and negative energy between us, it kind of felt like things were slowly starting to improve. We spent more time together, we took lovely trips away, we were laughing a lot more, it felt like “us” again. Unfortunately this didn’t last very long… because something else started bothering me.

I hadn’t met any of his friends or family yet! He always discussed introducing me, he even gave me dates but it never came to fruition. He pushed the date back then would always try to avoid discussing or cut the conversation short whenever I brought the topic up. Naturally, my suspicions were turned on full blast and my intuition was kicking in again. Was this motherfucker married? Engaged? What the fuck was he hiding now?

New Years Eve – we argued. After a weekend away – we argued. It was getting extremely tiring. My patience was wearing thin and I was fed up of having this constant feeling of paranoia/anxiety/irritation. A day after one of our arguments, I’m not sure what came over me (but I’m almost certain it was the power of prayer), I decided to do some further research on him. And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

He was lying about his age the whole damn time.

At his point, I finally took off those rose tinted glasses! This was the moment my brain found its way back into my head and I had the biggest epiphany you could ever imagine. It was like all the things I was in denial about suddenly surfaced and overflowed to the top. The mask had dropped… and this manipulative, insecure, controlling, mentally unstable and selfish person was revealed. Who the hell was this guy??? I felt sorry for him if anything. And as crazy as it sounds, I even started to feel curious. With my interest in human behaviour and psychology – I found myself Googling things like: “Signs of a pathological or compulsive liar” and “What causes people to be pathological or compulsive liars” – it was very interesting! Oh and by the way… I obviously done all this research after I broke up with him!

Of course, I ended things immediately. I dropped the text and blocked him. I didn’t want to see the guy, I didn’t want to speak to the guy, I didn’t want to give him a chance to explain. I just needed this toxic energy out of my life for good.

A couple days later, I got a text from a random number. It was a request to unblock him so he could arrange something. I already knew what he was going to say. I had one of his hoodies at mine and he wanted it back. Of course he did. 🙄
The arrangement was that I’d leave it in a bag outside my house at 8:30pm and he’d come and collect it. Great, sorted! I blocked him again. Except that he wanted to be spiteful towards me… so I received another text with attitude and pure rudeness. He stated that he was going to return all my gifts and cards. I told him to throw it all in the bin but he insisted on giving them back to me. Sure, whatever. I’ll throw it in the bin myself then. I can’t say I really cared too much at this point. Although, I did care about my own safety so I had to call in some muscle (aka. a couple of my guy friends) to protect me! LOL! I mean… I did’t really know who he was anymore so I wasn’t sure what he’d be capable of! Anyway, he took his hoodie back, I took the bag of stuff (which came with an apology letter) and no one got hurt – thankfully!

The next morning, I received a text. It was only him again. This time he was acting erratic. He wanted my gifts and cards back. 🙄🙄🙄 He’s lucky I hadn’t throw them away yet! I told him to stop acting crazy, sent one final (firm but fair) message and gave him a window to take the stuff back. He sent me a very, very long text, I read it a few times and then deleted it… along with everything else that reminded me of him. I shredded all his cards, deleted photos of us, threw stuff in the bin. Oh, I forgot to mention – in the text, he asked me to meet him on a certain day, at a certain time and place. I know what he was doing… it was a manipulative move from him to say the least. I never showed up. I’m the kind of person that when I say I’m done. I’m done. It would be a miracle if you think you could change my mind.

3 weeks had gone by since the break up, I came home from work one day and saw a letter posted through my door. He requested to meet me again. I figured I may as well tell him to his face… perhaps he’ll get the message then. We met, he spoke mostly… and I was very direct about how I felt. It was a long night. He asked me to give him a final chance and to think about it. A couple days later, I told him where I was at.

In summary, I was over it all. I wanted us both to move on. I forgave him and wished him well but there was no chance of reconcilliation. I had nothing left for him. No love, no respect, no trust. I told him that he needed to sort his head out, find happiness within, start being honest with people and set himself free. I asked that he never contacted me again.

And that was the chapter closed. I’ve never heard from him since.


Lessons learned

It wasn’t until this relationship that I truly understood the power of honesty/dishonesty. I’ve been lied to before but never to this extent. I’ve always been an honest person, bar the little white lies before (but who doesn’t tell little white lies?) I can’t express how being upfront and honest saves you so much time and energy! Why on earth would someone chose to put themselves through the process of lying then having to remember and keep up with all of their wild stories. It’s an effort! And how can people lie with so much ease – not feeling any guilt or remorse for the other party involved. There’s no morals whatsoever.

This relationship was definitely a “whirlwind romance” – it came as fast as it had gone, but as I’ve said, I always learn, and in this case, I’ve taken away an incredible amount. Call it a blessing in disguise. I’m thankful I got myself out sooner than later, had I not followed my intuition, I would still be with him and he would still be lying to me right this second.

I felt at ease walking away knowing that I tried, I gave it my all, I never lost my composure and that my intentions were always pure. I’m proud of myself for knowing my value and worth and I’m happy that I put my needs and mental wellbeing first. In hindsight, I should have left from when I discovered the first lie as it was major! But obviously, when you’re in your feelings, things do become blurred. Unfortunately for some, it leads to so much damage! Situation like these can take its toll on your confidence, happiness, other relationships, lifestyle and health (physical/mental). I’ve seen and heard it happen with many people – cases that were a lot worse than mine! When you settle and/or accept certain behaviours, you end up sacrificing yourself by going through absolute hell and back, then once you’re back, you spend a lot of time in your head trying to convince yourself it’ll get better… and the cycle continues.

My experience from being with a compulsive liar has helped me realise what early red flags to look out for (and hopefully I won’t need to even consider red flags in future). It’s important to follow your intuition, always be honest as a person (it’ll make life easier), always forgive no matter what (you owe yourself freedom) and never give up hope. There really are so many people out there that will fit the bill! Never change your goal posts for others, never settle for less than what you deserve. Make sure you talk to friends and family – because they will be your eyes when you’re unable to see clearly. As a final note from me…

Life is far too short to waste time and energy on things, situations or people that don’t serve you. And trust me when I say that self-love is the first step to finding true love and happiness.