One Q&A + two sassy bloggers = love, sex and magic.

Happy weekend everyone! Hope you’re enjoying the beautiful weather (Londoners) albeit windy! As if it wasn’t hot enough already this week… I’m here to crank the heat up a notch or two with my very first (and very spicy) collaboration! Yessss this a Bank Holiday Special! So before I dive in, I want quickly give a shout out to my fellow blogger, sexpert and orgasm lover, the bold and beautiful soul behind TheDatingShitShow. I’ll warn you now, her content is not for the faint hearted! In short, she takes you on a personal journey with a strong emphasis on female sexual empowerment, essentially you’ll see her life through a “steamy” lens. The underlying message is to encourage women to embrace pleasure, erotic energy and explore your deep desires. Check it out if you have 5 mins to spare 🙂

As for context on how this collaboration came about, we literally met through Instagram like… last week! She dropped me a message and it pretty much took off from there. The fact that we’re both passionate about self-expression, have similar writing tones, are huge fans of Sex and the City (Samantha Jones obvs!) and of course share comparable dating experiences; it just made sense to come together, hone in on our areas of interest and produce a fun and exciting joint blog post to share with our readers.

Between the two of us, we conjured up 8 extremely deep, intimate, daring questions. The type that most people would not typically discuss in such a public domain! It’s a good thing we’re not “most people” then, because here we are… two sassy bloggers + one hot and heavy Q&A piece. We touch on love, heartbreak, sex and porn! So without further ado…


DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Damsel in Dating Distress
I used to think so but looking back I’m not entirely convinced. The one time I think I experienced “being in love” was with my first boyfriend. I was 16 at the time, together for 3 years so fairly young and naive. I went through all the emotions that you would associate with romantic love. Feeling like you’re on cloud nine, the immediate excitement of seeing or speaking to them, having that person on your mind throughout the day, placing the other person’s needs before your own, imagining the rest of your life with them, being blind to everything else around you, being literally inseparable. In hindsight I realised it was just a heavily codependent relationship. Maybe my “teenage love” was nothing more than an attachment, but not the healthy kind.

Dating Shit Show
The first time I fell in love was with my university boyfriend and we were together for 4 years. He taught me what love should be like and showed me how to love, without conditions. I would say I’ve been in love a handful of times throughout my life, young love, puppy love, dependent love. We learn a lot about ourselves when we fall in love, sometimes it blinds us, sometimes it breaks our heart and then teaches us to be a little less naive.

IF YES, CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE FEELING AND EXPERIENCE? IF NOT, WHAT DO YOU THINK LOVE IS?

Damsel in Dating Distress
I think many of us tend to get confused between, love, lust and attachment. I’ll save my deep dive for a separate post but in essence, love should feel steady and secure. It involves commitment, vulnerability, mutual trust, and acceptance. It’s a feeling and emotion that grows over time through getting to know a person, while also experiencing high and low moments together. Love should hold a more balanced perspective; when together your energies should complement each other whilst allowing for the ability to maintain a life of your own. I’m yet to experience this high level version of love.

Dating Shit Show
Love is beautiful and intimate. The first time I fell in love I learned what love has the potential to be. Love is about bringing out the best in another person and giving your best to another person. Nourishing and encouraging each other to be the best possible version of yourselves. I don’t fall in love very easily, but when I do I fall deeply.

WHAT WAS YOUR WORST EXPERIENCE OF HEARTBREAK?

Damsel in Dating Distress
Not surprisingly, it was with my first boyfriend. The overall heartbreak was a build up of many painful, infuriating moments over time. It started off with his controlling, double standard behaviour where I was told to stop hanging out and speaking to my guy friends. Dictating what I could and couldn’t wear. The verbal and physical bust ups. The lying and cheating. We went through a break up/make up vicious cycle which involved manipulation, mind games and eventually led to the real break up which was just horrid. I cried for about 3 months, lost my appetite and felt a huge void. Thinking back, I cannot imagine putting myself through mental and physical turmoil for a man (!) or anyone for that fact! Being young, having your first relationship and going through a rollercoaster of emotions (never experienced before) was tough. The aftermath of trust issues, paranoia, anger, insecurity, etc. took its toll on me for a good few years, consequently causing damage to my other relationships. Thankfully time allows you to grow, mature, heal, learn and self discover.

Dating Shit Show
I dated a guy for 4 years during my twenties. I moved to a small town where everything and everyone was new. We started dating and I fell in love. It wasn’t what love should be. It was full of resentment, lying and disrespect. He ended the relationship over text after 4 years, started dating someone new a week later, then had me fired from my job. LOL. This was my “rock bottom” heartbreak, the one where you feel as though you’ve been shit on. It took me a while to get over the relationship. but I believe this heartbreak is one of the reasons I am as strong and badass as I am today. That breakup taught me to never give someone else so much control over my feelings and it taught me that love shouldn’t complete any part of me or my life, it should add something extraordinary to an already amazing life.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME HAVING SEX LIKE?

Damsel in Dating Distress
Yeah it wasn’t bad. We had spoken about it in advance and (us being clueless teenagers) kinda “choreographed” what was going to happen, from foreplay to the actual moment! It happened in my house, on my bed. I don’t remember every detail (it was a while ago) but I know we were both nervous. The nerves certainly got to him more than me (I suspect this is common for guys) because it took us a couple of tries which added even more pressure on him – slightly awkward! We got there in the end and it’s kind of what you’d expect for a first time ; a bit of uncertainty, a little clumsy, slow but nevertheless enjoyable. I’m that the experience was shared with a boyfriend, it made everything more intimate and special.

Dating Shit Show
My first time was beautiful. I was very fortunate and I chose well. He was a chef in a restaurant I was working in. He was a little older than me and a lot more responsible. I was in such a hurry to have sex for the first time and he encouraged me to slow down and not to rush such a big thing. My first time was sweet and romantic and unforgettable in all the right ways.

WHAT’S A SUREFIRE WAY TO TURN YOU ON?

Damsel in Dating Distress
There’s a list but here’s the shortened version:

1. Confidence, respect, wit and assertiveness – Nothing beats a man with a strong presence. If he is self-assured with gentlemanly traits, I’m hooked in.
2. Strong arms and broad shoulders – I find it very attractive as it makes the guy appear more masculine and domineering.
3. Aggression/submission in bed – hair pulling, neck grabbing, back scratching, nail digging, against the wall, over the table! 😀
4. Men in sweats (preferably grey) and topless – This look makes me clench my fist and bite it! It’s the way the sweats outline his manhood.
5. Physical affection/heaving flirting/teasing – I thoroughly enjoy getting a guys mind going!

Dating Shit Show
Hmm, I would say there’s a few surefire ways. My top 3 would be…

1. A guy with confidence – A guy who knows himself, knows what he’s about, knows what he wants in life and isn’t afraid to go after it.
2. Sexual dominance – A guy who knows how to take charge in the bedroom gets me pretty wet. One that isn’t afraid to put me in my place.
3. Passion – I need a lover who is passionate about sex and connection and passionate about giving me multiple orgasms.

Some other things would be… man buns, big hands, sexy arms, broad shoulders, sexy chocolate lovers, sensuality, presence, connection, chemistry, a guy who knows his way around a clitoris, good kissers, an ass that looks good enough to eat and those sexy ass V lines.

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR SEXUAL FANTASY RIGHT THIS MINUTE?

Damsel in Dating Distress
Hahaha! I’m literally laughing out loud as I type this because there is a certain someone that comes to mind. First of all I would get him to cook a full-on roast dinner for me (as my belated birthday present) after that we’d uber over to a secret and private location (that comes with a hot tub on the balcony and skyline view of London). It’d be an evening full of deep conversations, lots of laughter, being silly, flirty, wine, a bit of weed, hot tubbing, games and plenty rounds of passionate sex. There’d be no sleep until early hours of the morning.

Dating Shit Show
After 6 weeks alone in quarantine I think any form of sex would be a fantasy right now. But my biggest sexual fantasy at the moment is an MMF threesome. I love dick, so a double dick fantasy would do me nicely right now. But mainly right now, I need a good weekend full of instabiable, uninterrupted sex.

WHAT WAS YOUR WORST SEXPERIENCE?

Damsel in Dating Distress
I can think of two occasions… but the worst was a rebound from one of my relationships. Sure he was attractive but unfortunately that’s all he had going for him!

1. He was very, very sweaty! Having face drip like a tap on me is never gonna do it.
2. Performing like a rabbit on speed is also not it!
3. The size! I feel a little bad because normally I’d say it’s how you use your tool; but he had some shortcomings (pun intended). Having a decent looking penis would of been his lifeline. Sadly, short pencil penises aren’t crowdpleasers.

Dating Shit Show
Hmmm I’ve had a few. Top disasters would be:

1. The guy who faked a phonecall to get out of giving me oral
2. The guy who made the strangest noise when he came
3. The guy who refused to give me oral because he couldn’t get hard

WHAT KIND OF PORN DID YOU LAST WATCH?

Damsel in Dating Distress
Porn!? It’s been years! But does going to a sex peep show in Amsterdam count? Right, so I paid €5 or something like that to watch drugged-up-looking couples have sex on a rotating platform. There were about 6 different “shows” going on at once, each having 4 rooms where you go in and have a “peep” at the action. You witness the usual positions, oral, anal and some kinky shit involving bondage… and that’s literally it. I didn’t quite get it, I wasn’t impressed but was interesting to say the least!

Dating Shit Show
Anal porn. It’s usually at the top of my most viewed. Tushy is one of my favourite porn channels, although they need to upload some new material, I think I watched it all during quarantine. I’ve also been watching some MMF threesome porn, for research purposes 😉


With this piece I wanted my responses to be raw and completely transparent so I hope that was delivered! To some readers who know me… I’m sorry haha! I guess you’ve really gotten to know me now. 🙊

I’ve always said social media comes with its pros and cons, however this is one example where I’ve seen a real positive. Since I started taking my blog seriously, I’ve already noticed the fruits of my labour. It’s rewarding knowing that my content resonates with others in the dating/relationship community. The connections I’m making are so valuable. The conversations and feedback I’ve had not only inspire me but also helps with ideas and direction.

It was a real pleasure (excuse the pun) to team up TheDatingShitShow. Thanks again girl, I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope we can collaborate on another piece in future! 💕

Let’s talk about sex baby…

There’s a reason why Salt-N-Pepa’s song, “Let’s Talk About Sex” was a major hit. To my surprise however, only a quarter of us are happy talking about what goes on in the bedroom – this was a finding from a recent survey conducted by eharmony.

As I’ve highlighted in my previous posts, communication is one of the foundations to having a happier and stable relationship. Whether it’s discussing what to cook for lunch, current affairs or sharing a work anecdote; there’s one topic that shouldn’t be neglected… and that’s sex!

Physical intimacy is important because it’s considered one of the most crucial methods of displaying affection. So having an open and honest dialogue regarding bedroom antics needs just as much attention as any other aspect of a relationship.

Sure the sex talk doesn’t always translate so seamlessly into comfortable conversations but the main thing is to keep it casual and help each other feel at ease. When you shy away from these vital conversations, yes you’ll avoid a bit of awkwardness… but you’re also setting yourself up for pretty average sex – and let’s face it, that’s no fun!

The only words you should be saying in bed are dirty ones.”

SATC, Samantha Jones

Before and after you get beneath the sheets… try opening up about your needs and desires. Trust me, your sex life will reap the benefits if you know what you like and how you like it. So where do you start? Well, in this blog post I’d like to share some tips on how to make sex talk as helpful, productive and enjoyable as possible.

“Slow down, I just wanna get to know you.” – Bobby Valentino
During the early-ish stages of dating, you want to try and bring the topic of sex into conversation. Not necessarily on the first few dates (that can be a bit off putting… unless sex is what you’re after) but wait until you’re feeling confident, that connection between you is strong and that your relationship naturally seems to be moving in the right direction. Get some clarity on some of the obvious questions first like: Do they seem genuine? Are they good fun? Are you sexually attracted to them? Is there chemistry?

If all goes well and you’re comfortably getting your flirt on; you’ll want to turn things up a notch or two by throwing in some sexual innuendos. Chances are, they’ll reciprocate. And that’s your sign you’ll be heading over to the bedroom soon! With that in mind, this is the point where you might want to have a quick chat about whether they’re planning to sleep with others, what contraception will be used, boundaries, even when they were last tested (and vice versa of course). Don’t shy away from these topics!

“You make it so good I don’t wanna leave, but I gotta, know what-what’s your fantasy!” – Ludacris
X-rated daydreams, sexual fantasies. There shouldn’t be any shame in having these or sharing it with your partner/lover. Personally I think the aspect of emotional intimacy in a relationship can be incredibly sexy. Having a close enough bond where you’re able to reveal and share each other’s naughty secrets introduces a vibrant and exciting side to the bedroom routine. And if you’re both willing to bring some of those fantasies to life then that’s awesome because trying new things also means building trust.

You might feel apprehensive about having any kind of sexual discussion, let alone sharing such thoughts. But whether it’s a concern around how you might sound or how your partner might react to it, remember that expressing our fantasies – whether we act on them or not – is just a way to introduce novelty into our sex lives. If your partner feels worried or offended, then reassurance is important! Besides, the conversation wouldn’t be happening unless you felt comfortable enough to reveal your deepest desires to them. It’s all about upping your level of intimacy at the end of the day.

“Give me a sign… hit me baby one more time!” – Britney Spears
No one is a mind reader. If you don’t feel like having sex because you’re feeling hideous, you’re tired or you’ve just had a shitty day at work and want to relax then tell them that. There’s nothing worse than pushing someone away or having half-hearted sex, your partner will only feel rejected. Equally, if you are getting some action then you should be open about what you want to do in the session(s): hitting it from behind, getting on top, going down, going fast, slow… whatever tickles your fancy – make sure you’re voicing your thoughts. Sexual pleasure shouldn’t always be a one sided thing.

“Are you mad ’cause I’m asking you 21 questions?” – 50 Cent feat. Nate Dogg
A healthy relationship is one where partners feel listened to and respected. In terms of sex, it’s a good idea to ask questions. Examples include: What is their favourite thing about sex? What would they like to do more of? Is there anything they’d like to try? What turns them on? You don’t have to act on their suggestions but you might discover something you both want to have a go at. Like any outcome of a conversation, by sharing your likes, dislikes and expectations you can make choices together and learn more about how to please each other. 

“Gonna get a little unruly, get it fired up in a hurry, wanna get dirty, it’s about time that I came to start the… party!” – Christina Aguilera
Generally “dirty talk” has a bad reputation but I personally think it’s just another form of communication. After all, it’s about enhancing your sexual experience and vocalising your sexual wants. Providing you’re with someone you can trust, it’s a great way to fire things up, as well as improve the connection between you and your partner (FYI there’s proven science behind this.) The whole build-up to sex will certainly heighten the sexual tension, naturally leading into increased passion during sex. Teasing should start wayyy before you’re in the room together – by exchanging some risqué words whether verbally, through video call or sexting – it’ll get the anticipation going for sure!

To be honest I’m an actions over words kinda gal but I have dabbled in a bit of filthy talk before. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the aggressive, submissive, porn-star kind of talk! It can simply be fun, playful with a touch of raciness… but then again different strokes for different folks right? As long as you feel comfortable and enjoying it 😉

My final words would be to ensure you’re discussing sex with your partner regularly. Your sexual needs may change over time and even when changing partners – that will require new conversations. Remember all relationships are different and from simply talking, you may discover new pleasures that you’d never even thought of before. Have fun in the bedroom and be safe!